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Meet Your Life Partner

For women who are done with dating but do want a life partner

What You Want in a Life Partner Will Be
In Front of You, Available, and Live Nearby*
No woo. No bull. No fairytale.

(*the rest is up to you)

This program is different. It’s designed to do one thing.

End your quest for love.


This is a six-week boot camp for women who are done dating but want a life partner.

I teach you the skills that couples get when they come to my therapy practice. Apply those skills to finding your partner, and you will.

The more you know about lasting connections, the more likely you’ll get what you want.

There’s a reason why you’ve burned out trying to meet your person.

It’s the belief that dating skills are the same skills used to find a partner. They look alike on the outside, but they’re different.

Learning the wisdom and skills for partnering, not dating expertise, is what makes this class unique and successful.

Looking to the dating industry to find a life partner is like going to the drycleaners to buy croissants.

This course gives you the keys to the bakery.

Dating skills are just a subset of what you need. I’ll show you what you’ve been missing.

Imagine building your dream home by yourself, with no training. Failure. But if you train and get a contractor’s license, you’ll have the expertise you need to build your life-long vision. Voila! This program provides the expertise you need to fulfill your dream of finding your partner.

All dating skills are a subset of four partner-finding skills:

ONE: With dating, flaws need to be hidden or fixed. With partnering, flaws are embraced.

The Single Most Destructive Myth Sold to Women Is That We Must Improve Ourselves To Find Our Person.

Nonsense. You’ll meet your life partner just. As. You. Are! Natural messy you IS the means to find the man who is uniquely right for you.

In the workplace, you get hired for the skills you DO have, not those you don’t have.

There are loads of men who are looking for what you already offer. What you lack is unimportant to them. You landed that fancy I.T. job because of your I.T. skills. Your tech boss does not care that you lack a medical degree.

Unapologetically relaxing into being yourself, including your flaws, is the most effective way to meet your partner.

This program shows you the art of accepting your flaws as a means for meeting your man. 

Women complain that finding a life partner is like pulling a needle out of a haystack. I say:

You already possess a magnet to pull the needle out of the haystack. I’ll show you how to use it.

Authenticity is your love potion. You will resonate with the right man and repel the wrong ones.

  • Scarred from childhood from so many betrayal wounds? Plenty of men have been hurt and want someone who knows how to be vulnerable.
  • Too old? You’d be shocked to learn how many men desire a mature woman.
  • Too many pounds? No way. Many men hope to find a woman who is at ease with her shape.
  • Still got kids at home? Dads want women who are parents too.

You get the idea. You’ll use your so-called flaws to instantly filter out the 99.99% of those who might be turned off by what others crave. That’s why our so-called imperfections are a secret dating superpower.

The program gives you: 
3 tools to reverse your old mindset
2 methods to make your flaws an asset
5 shortcuts to meeting your Person

Your imperfections are your secret dating superpower.

Embracing your flaws frees you up to discover your full self-worth. Your true value comes from the inside, has always been there, and is unconditional. Most women have been socialized to value others at the expense of dismissing how desirable and lovable they really are.

Your partner-finding skill comes from being centered in your own worth. A strong sense of your own value automatically creates healthy boundaries that connect you to the right man. Boundaries matter.

The course teaches you how to rediscover and live from your pure gold worth.

  • You’ll unleash your natural instinct for boundaries. Relating to men through your pure gold value gives you the balance between being too picky or way too giving with men.
  • You’ll no longer be drawn to men who don’t appreciate you. No more heartache!
  • Others can see your full worth. When you inhabit your real worth you become a beacon for kindred spirits.

The program gives you:

A three-phase exercise that transforms your feeling of flaws into self-worth.

A relaxing guided experience of your self-worth as an emotional immune system that keeps non-partners away.

THREE: The positive traits that we show off when dating are like the icing on the cake. Partners get the whole dessert.

It’s naive to think that what attracts you to dates is what you want in a life partner. Dating traits are a subset of what you want in a partner.

The program gives you: A 200+ item checklist for what you want in a life partner.

You’ll learn to evaluate plenty of good and bad points in dates that you’d usually ignore. You gain the mega clarity to spot The One.

FOUR: Dates look for what they can get from one another. Partners focus on what they offer each other.

SHOCKER: Knowing what you offer is far more important for 2 reasons.

Claiming the authority of what you bring is empowering, alluring, and protects you from squandering your gifts. Plus what you bring to a partner is so much more than what you offer a date. A partner mindset is growthful and calls forth more gifts than you ever knew that you had.

This class teaches you to be big and bold about your lifelong gifts. Then two things happen. You’ll stand out so your partner can see you. You’ll connect with those who also know the high value of what they bring to a relationship. This saves you from wasting time with men who aren’t for you.

The program gives you: 

A 200+ checklist to discover your gifts.

A relaxed, experiential deep dive into the soul of your unique energies.

Book a free discovery call now! Text me at 510-913-4683

Meeting your life partner is possible.

It's possible you think you've already explored every option, and believe that finding a partner is now up to fate.

That's what I used to think. 

Then I figured out what stops people from finding their Person and developed an effective system so they could. The results were swift, consistent, and happy.

Meeting one’s life partner was no longer a baffling, hit-or-miss experience.

The women I work with gain the mindset to rapidly find their partner and have a new way of responding once they do.

For years I only offered this to my private clients.

Now I've turned this method into a class to get the training out to as many as possible. I believe that all women deserve lasting love.

 Book a free discovery call now! I'd love to hear from you. Text me at 510-913-4683

I love to celebrate my students’ success, but it’s important that you understand that everyone is unique and may have different outcomes. Testimonials are not a promise of results. Please use your best judgment in determining whether my class is right for you.

women have said things such as...

Valerie kept her promise: she showed me how to see when the man  I wanted was in front of me. She taught me how to find the confidence to walk right up to him and say hello. Today, we have two  preschoolers and are getting married.  


I’ve worked with dating coaches, and Val’s approach is totally different. She doesn’t teach you how to be a better date or how to date more men. Instead you learn how to find what you’ve been looking for. I did! We’ve been in love for seven years now. If you want a partner, please take this course.    


A friend gifted Valerie’s package for my 60th birthday. I  was mortified, but went anyway. A few months later, I found my soulmate. Valerie definitely influenced my decisions and choices about romance. But I’ll always wonder about the timing of her program with that chance meeting that led to love.     


I was wandering around in the dating scene and miserable. Valerie’s program changed my life. She got me out of my head and I learned to see myself as my partner will see me. She gave me the tools to spot that one special person. He and I crossed paths a few weeks after I finished the class, and we’ve been together for three years!      


I wish I could have taken Valerie’s program ten years ago. It made me more self-accepting, and I'm attracting men who are right for me, and am confident that I’ll eventually share my life with one of them.    


I was skeptical. I believed my emotional scars meant I would always be reactive. I had given up on getting married again. I saw Valerie for two months. I learned how to work with, instead of against my bitchiness. A few months later, I met the kindest man I’ve ever known. Val’s program taught me to calm down enough to talk with him, and be willing to accept that someone could accept me despite my moods.  It’s been work, but we’ve been happily married for many years.       


Valerie reversed my usual approach to dating. It’s a long story, but dating became more selective. After a while, I met the man who became my husband. I also believe our marriage is stronger because of what I learned from Valerie.       


 I would not have been able to pick my future husband out of the apps if it weren’t for Valerie. Using all of her tasks and tools, I got exactly what I wanted and am happy.         


Val is so low-key that it’s easy to work with her.  She respected how trapped and deeply lonely I felt. But her step-by-step process changed that within a month. I had to un-learn dating habits and learn new skills I never would have dreamed of. As a result, I’m living with the man of my dreams and am a proud Mom to our 6-month-old girl.       


This program cleared the clutter out of my head and heart so I could get down to what I really wanted and how to go about it. That was four years ago. I’ve been happily married for three years. I highly recommend this work.       

~Nina M.

I don’t like dating. Val’s system taught me how to notice and connect with kindred spirits instead of “date.” It is so genuine! I’m finally having a fun time going out.   


About Me

I believe that the secret to finding your person shouldn’t be a secret. I’m mad at how social messaging undermines women from finding love. I’m on a mission to change this.

On a personal note, I was a teen when I met my partner. We fell in love and have been together ever since. I speak from experience when I say that lifelong love is possible.

I have a Master’s in counseling psychology, a license as a Marriage and Family Therapist, and am certified by the Relational Life Institute. In fact, RLT helped to inspire this program. I've trained in and taught this stuff for decades. 

Book a free discovery call now!                                         Text me at 510-913-4683

All women are welcomed: every orientation, identity, race, faith, and culture is celebrated here.


1. What makes this different from any other program?

  1. Dating programs are for dating. It takes more than this to get a partner. The missing piece is couples’ skills, applied to finding The One.  They prepare you in advance for your long-term relationship. The more relationally competent you are, the more likely you’ll find what you want!
  2. Most women believe that they know what they want, who they are, and what they offer. That’s called self-confidence. It’s empowering, but not enough. This course guides you away from the isolation of individualism and into relationality. Being relational means you’re savvy about the interpersonal side to what you want, who you are, and what you offer. This is a very different approach from individualism and is the key to finding and keeping The One.
  3. There’s a huge disconnect between what women think they need (self-improvement) and what actually works (self-acceptance). You’ll learn 5 ways to relax and accept your natural authenticity, the key to recognizing The One.

2. It’s dating suicide to not put your best self forward.

It’s healthy to want to feel and look good when you go out. I’d encourage anyone to take a few dance or flirting lessons if it builds confidence. That’s what makes dating fun. But there are key differences between dating and looking for your partner. They appear the same, but they’re different. This confusion is the reason why dating in order to find The One can be so hard.

3. What’s a dating mindset compared to a partner mindset?

With a dating mindset you hide your deepest flaws, and hope that they’ll disappear or be healed by falling in love. With a partner mindset you are more relaxed and open about your flaws. This attracts The One for five reasons.

  • Men who are nonjudgmental prefer women who aren’t self-critical.
  • He’ll feel drawn to you because you’re comfortable with all of who you really are.
  • He’ll instantly pass your trust tests if he’s at ease with your issues.
  • His acceptance demonstrates that he has some depth.
  • He’ll be able to relate to your problems.

Dates get turned off by this, mates lean in.

4. Why is this better than other dating programs?

Other programs are great for those that they work for! But women come to me because they’re discouraged. Their expensive matchmaking services, dating coaches, apps, or goddess workshops didn’t lead to love. This program teaches you the skills for finding a lasting connection. You’ll gain the relational skills that happily married women take a lifetime to learn. Having such wisdom in advance saves time finding The One. You’ll guide yourself to your person with less stress. This expertise is what makes this class unique and successful.

5. Do you offer a payment plan?

You can pay in installments in advance.  The full fee is due before the first live class.

6. How long do I get access for?

The mailed materials are yours to keep, the FB group will remain open for three months. You can email me with a question or thought forever.

7. Can I cancel at any time?

When you register you’ll get the first week’s package of materials. If you decide that the class isn’t right for you, let me know before the first live session. No refund will be given once the group meets. Full refunds minus a $100. processing fee will be given before the first class.

8. What if I don’t like it?

You’ll get plenty of info before the first live group so you shouldn’t have any surprises. Start with the What to Expect section. Then please text me at 510-913-4683 to book a discovery call.

9. How long will it take? 

This is a six-week course. During the program, you may spend between 1-4 hours weekly on the course material.

10. How difficult is it to implement?

Everyone is at a different stage of their journey. The “implementation” will occur between your ears and within your heart. The coursework will be simple for some while others will have more personal stretching to do. 

11. When can I expect to see results?

It would be unethical for me to make promises. But women who complete the course gain the skills to find their person. For twenty years, my individual clients who use this system have successfully found their partners. I know what the obstacles to finding love are and how to remove them.

12. What if I don’t get results?

Complete the materials and attend the group and you’ll get these results: 4 ways to switch from the dating game to a partner mindset 3 ways to be ultra-clear about what you want in your person 5 ways to replace self-criticism with confidence 3 ways to know what you offer 4 ways to zap the tyranny of the fairy tale and embrace the truth about lasting love 3 ways to activate the protective emotional boundaries that will connect you to The One. 

If you don’t find him within 90 days I’m happy to give you a free consultation.

13. What if I spot him but he’s not interested?

If he is what you want, you’ll be what he’s looking for. 

14. Why should I trust you?

I’ve been helping women to find love for a long time and I have a track record of success. I’m:

  •  A couples coach, so I’m direct and focused.
  •  A therapist, so I can coach you through the depths of inner change.
  •  Keeping it real because I’ve been in a lifelong marriage since my teens.

15. This sounds like another how-to-date program.

Dating programs are about dating. I teach you the skills to meet your life partner. Everyone thinks they’re the same skills but they are different.      

16. Who is this ideal for

This is for any woman who wants:

  •  A life partner.
  •  Is open to growth and change.
  •  Enjoys learning with a new circle of friends.

17. Who is this not for?

Any woman who:

  • Wants to continue with the novelty, adventure, and fun of dating.
  • Isn't curious about what’s stopping them from meeting their man.
  • Doesn't want to connect with a fun heartfelt group of women. 

18. What’s included?

Please read the What to Expect and What You Get section.

19. Is this site safe?

I promise that I will never sell your data. information. Ever. Even though this is a class and not therapy, the confidentiality of the group is maintained to the highest standards of my license.  Every student promises to maintain life-long confidentiality.

20. How do I reach you now or if I need help?

You can ping me through Signal or email me at My email has an option for encryption if privacy is important to you.

21. There’s no such thing as that perfect guy.

There’s a HUGE difference between the fairy tale of “that perfect guy” and having a realistic map of what you want, deep self-acceptance and knowing what a lasting relationship looks like.  I promise two things:

  1. Your life partner will be just as imperfect as you are.
  2. No matter how content you are because you got what you wanted, he’ll always surprise you with more than you want!

22. Don’t I have to work on myself first?

That’s one of the big reasons why women have such a hard time finding love. It’s misdirected and an avoidance mindset. It’s a tragic waste of your precious time.  Spoiler alert: This course replaces fiction with the facts that let you meet your man.

23. I read that we are attracted to men who are at our same level. Isn’t it better to improve myself before we meet so I can land a more mature guy?

A mature guy is one who is open to working on messy problems with you. Not someone who thinks he’s got it together and expects you to have done the same. Maturity is humble and tolerant. Mature men accept that all of us have deep flaws and that most of us are doing our best. If you can also accept that, then you’re ready to meet your partner.

24. It’s competitive out there.

You are exactly what your man is looking for, so there isn’t going to be any competition. You’re the competition and you’ve already won.  

25. My dating coach doesn’t sound like you.

I’m not a dating coach and this is not a dating class. It’s a program to prepare you to meet your life partner (MYLP) without the time-wasting hassle of excessive dating. I’m a MYLP coach.

26. Four hours a week? I don’t have that kind of time.

Some weeks will be less. But reserve 4 hours a week. Think of all the time you’ve invested in dating. Balance that against a six-week class that gives you the tools to meet your man. Want to be in shape in six weeks? You’d commit 4 hours a week to the gym. Competing for next month’s promotion? You’d work an extra 4 hours a week for a while. It’s normal to invest in sprints of time for the things we care about.

27. My fear is that the group will be a pity party of desperate women past their bio-clock deadlines. 

I’ve run groups for decades. I’m seasoned at bringing out the collective sense of humor, safety, courage, curiosity, and authenticity within a group. Everyone is a gem and will be a gift to our circle.  

Book a free discovery call now! Text me at 510-913-4683

What to Expect and What You Get

The Format:

On Monday mornings you’ll get a brief video and transcript that introduce the week’s material. The written work is in a streamlined, done-for-you format.  For example, instead of “Write 200+ things that you want in a partner,” you’ll get a 200+ checklist. 

 Benefits: You’ll have the option to watch, listen to, or read about the lesson.

The group meets live on Signal every Sunday night from 6 to 7 pm, Pacific Time. We’ll have a check-in and Q&A, and relaxing guided meditation.

 Benefits: You’ll share and learn, make new friends, and get energized by the group. Guided imagery supports deep levels of change.

You’ll have daily access to me via Signal, for one brief question. Call any time and I respond daily before 10 a.m.  

 Benefits: You can quickly get your questions answered 7 days a week. You’ll never feel confused or stuck. The program moves rapidly and I want everyone to be able to keep up.

You’ll also get paired with a study buddy that you’ll meet with for an hour each week. This is essential.

 Benefits:  It’s proven that isolated self-study for emotional work is ineffective. Learning just doesn’t take hold in the same way that it does when you discuss it. Your brain will thank you for the big boost that sharing with someone provides.

Book a free discovery call now! Text me at 510-913-4683

The Details

Week One

Monday email: As soon as you register, you’ll get the first Monday email assignments. This is the class orientation and is foundational for learning to meet your Person. It includes a pre-test, quizzes, group rules, and life-changing info on what lasting love looks like and what to expect in a life partnership. 

Benefits: The group will share a common language and direction. No matter where we come from, we’ll start on the same page.

You’ll toss out false notions about partnering that have been a hidden obstacle. You’ll gain a surprising expertise on how to recognize the signs of the real thing.

Study Buddy Hour: You’ll bond and learn from each other by sharing your quiz results.

Benefits: Builds rapport which is key for emotional learning. Makes it easier to join a group where you already know someone.

Sunday Live Group #1: Group intros, sharing quiz results and reflections on lasting love. Benefits: Builds group trust

The Aah-Relax! Introduction to guided imagery.   
Benefits: Learn how to stay relaxed, which supports the learning and growth to come.

Week Two

Monday email: Intro video and transcript to What I Want, My Resistance Profile and Thinking Womens’ Guide to Real Love.   

Handout 1: What I Want in a Life Partner Inventory (250+ questions to describe your ideal partner).
Benefits: Get hyper-clear about what you want and shift your mindset from dating to life-partnering

Handout 2: My Resistance Profile                                       Benefits: Reveals the hidden barricades that keep you from your Person.

Handout 3: Thinking Women’s Guide to Real Love         Benefits: Explodes the illogical notions that are obstacles to meeting your partner

Study Buddy Hour: Buddies share support about their wishlists, their resistance, and the differences between dating and partnering.
Benefits: This is the program’s most intensive learning curve and buddies can help teach it to one another.

Sunday Live Group #2: Share aha moments, enjoy a relaxation exercise to heal old scars, and move from a dating to a partnering mindset.                                               Benefits: The group connection helps to absorb the week’s steep learning curve.

Week Three

Monday email: Intro video and transcript for From Scars to the Stars Handout: From Scars to the Stars
Benefits: Learn how to turn old wounds into authentic inspiration for meeting your Person.

Study Buddy Hour: Share and work with your new Stars memes. 
Benefits: Strengthens the partner-meeting skills of self-healing.

Sunday Live Group #3: Group meme-weaving exercise. Guided relaxation to amplify your new positive mindset. Benefits: Awakens your natural vibrancy and prepares you to recognize The One. 

Week Four

Monday email:  Intro video and transcript to What I Offer and Who I Am                                                                       Handouts: Who I Am, What I Offer                         Benefits: Get crystal clear about why you are The One for your Person. Discover how the compelling beauty and authenticity of who you are attracts you to The One. Shift your mindset from the individuality of dating to the relationality of partnering.

Study Buddy Hour: Validate one another’s discoveries about relationality, who they are, what they offer, and how this brings partners together.                                                 Benefits: Feel safe and strong with this growth and change.

Sunday Live Group # 4: Group reflective listening.           Benefits: Learn the advantages to relationality in meeting The One. Relaxing imagery.                                                   Benefits: Brings a sense of ease and fun to the new insights and skills.

Week Five

Monday email: Intro video and transcript to the Merry Go Round handout.   

Merry Go Round handout 
Benefits: Understand the old dysfunctional preconditions for meeting partners so you’ll never repeat them. Promote your existing healthy mindset for meeting your Person.

Study Buddy Hour: Share your Merry Go Rounds insights. 
Benefits: Release unhealthy dating habits and embrace more of what’s already going to lead you to your man.  

Sunday Live Group # 5: Group sharing 
Benefits:  Learn from group insights. Relaxing imagery.     Benefits: Learn to rapidly shift from an old stuck response to being aligned to meet The One. 

Week Six

Monday email: Intro video and transcript to the templates for a FB post, Asking for Help email letters, and My Last Profile dating app profile. Handouts for creating a FB post, Asking for Help Letters, and My Last Profile.
Benefits: Safe, structured guidance in asking your communities for help.

Study Buddy Hour: Share feedback about the Letters, Profile exercises, and FB post. Prepare to press send at the final live group. Discuss what you did and didn’t like about the program. 
Benefits: Reduces anxieties and increases confidence about asking your circles to help you find your person. 

Sunday Live Group # 6: Do a post-test, press send for letters, closing circle. Relaxing imagery “Into the Future”. 
Benefits: Getting heartfelt closure with the program. 

Book a free discovery call now! Text me at (510) 913-4683