How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy
Posted: November 15, 2018
As a therapist, I often have a front row seat to relationship miracles. Well, okay, there are no miracles really. The fact is "fixing" a relationship takes work. It takes two people wanting a better life and then putting in the effort. I've seen couples go from nearly ending it to being back in love and liking each other more than ever before. What allows some couples to make it while others don't? The partners I've seen recover from their problems and go on to enjoy their partnership all have three key things in common. Here are three secrets to get the most out of therapy. Commit Many couples view therapy as a last-ditch effort, which makes it all the more important to go all-in and commit. And even if therapy is your first attempt to salvage the relationship, it' still important that both of you give it your best effort. Paradoxically, commitment means being willing to change yourself within the context of your partnership.Your personal attitudes, beliefs, and habits will need to shift. Your individual commitment also implies that you'll start first. "I'll change when my partner does" only generates more emotional gridlock. Be Open Minded It's common to be skeptical of therapy at first. It's also common to feel that your problems are too much to overcome. My professional experience has shown me that most relationship issues can be fixed. But if you honestly believe that they aren't, you're setting yourself up for failure. Real change requires an open mind. Do Your Homework! You didn't spend money and time at college and blow off your homework. The same goes for couples therapy! During your sessions, I'll teach you how to have respectful and effective communication and find lasting solutions. You'll gain the tools to get the same results at home. But it's up to you to use these tools. Your relationship won't get fixed from seeing me for an hour once a week. It'll evolve from the work you both do on your own time outside of my office. Are you willing to commit to the process, keep an open mind and do the homework? Then you have an excellent chance of creating a vibrant, healthy and caring relationship. My commitment to you is to graduate you from therapy as soon as possible. I keep us focussed and won't let our conversations wander. If you're looking for a couple's therapist, I'd be happy to speak with you. Let's talk and see if I might be a good fit for the both of you.