Transparency is one of the toughest parts in winning her back. You’re used to secrecy. Now you have to give it up, willingly, every day, until you have earned her trust.
Transparency means turning over all of your passwords to accounts, emails, social media, and phones. Transparency also means calling her every time you have a change of plans. It means texting a time dated picture of yourself when you are out late, or traveling, or if she just needs to know, throughout the day.
This may sound harsh, but it benefits you. The more she sees evidence of your innocence, the sooner she will trust. Another important point is that your voluntary transparency will bring you both peace of mind.
The more that you provide transparency, the less she’ll need to ask questions. She hates surveillance as much as you do. Volunteer the information, and you end this cycle of mutual resentment.
Also know that transparency can feel like being controlled or intruded upon. Because of this, it often brings up ugly memories and feelings from the cheater’s childhood with hyper-controlling and invasive parents.
Inexplicable rage and resistance to being transparent are common reactions. Your SAA group, and therapists can help you understand, manage, and heal this.
